


Thorns And Spikes

by AwokenMonster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Depression's POV, M/M, Optimism vs Depression, Self-Hatred, happy end, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 17:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14453784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/pseuds/AwokenMonster
Summary: I’d been my worst enemy for so long.Not the world.Not mankind.Me.M rated for the bleeding heart and heavy themes.





	Thorns And Spikes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MKelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKelly/gifts).



> Monster: Hi guys. Sooo I'll probably have to explain this fic, won't I? Well... Last week I didn't quite have my emotions in check. I was very very angry, lashed out at a few people and then did what I always do after getting angry for no reason - I drown in guilt and implode so I wrote this fic to vent. Enjoy
> 
> I gifted it to one of my dear baby sisters because she has my back, even when I'm acting like a piece of shit.

There was a dull ache in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure what caused it or how I could’ve let it progress so far. It was getting heavier and heavier to bear, like a constant blow to my head every few minutes. At first it had been hours, then minutes, soon it would be only seconds. The blow seemed to bring along a message every single time, never the same one in a row.

_You’re worthless._

Thud.

_Why are you still alive?_

Thud.

Almost a demonic, distorted voice calling me out on my flaws and mistakes. I’d cry but the dull ache knocked all emotions out of my body. I couldn’t feel a thing. I had shackles chaining my body up like a prison. A prison I had made for myself but I couldn’t remember when I had traded my freedom for this hell. I couldn’t escape. I couldn’t begin to try to escape.

My heart lay in front of me. It had been ripped apart and sewn back together again. Whoever tried to fix it, did a messy job. Needles poked through and it bled from where it lay in a puddle. Exposed. Why not? Everyone had already stepped on it anyway. As the thought crossed my mind, a shell formed around my imprisoned shape. There were spikes on it and barely a hole for me to peek through. It was suffocating me.

I’d learned not to hope for stuff anymore. Only disappointment ever came from it. Don’t put an effort into anyone or you’ll get hurt. Mankind’s rotten. Just a basket of rotten apples.

One of the spikes hit my heart. It made me wince but I’d grown used to the sensation.

“Danny?”

I looked up, dead eyes staring directly into his. He was surprised by my soulless look. He hadn’t expected the damage to be this grave. I know he hadn’t because I hadn’t talked to him since things escalated. Back when we were on speaking terms, I’d only occasionally feel the blow to my head every few weeks. He’d run now.

Just like everyone else.

No one wants to buy a damaged ornament to decorate their useless lives with. Oh how I hated humanity more and more with each passing day. He made a face, upset to see me like this. I wish I could’ve offered him a better sight. He’d been nothing but good to me but once again, I had ruined it and I had sent myself back to hell. Another spike lashed out at my heart. The threads, keeping the halves of my heart together, were starting to tear again. He looked down at the bleeding mess and shook his head. “Danny, don’t.”

Why wasn’t he running? I’m worthless.

Barbed wire wound itself around the spikes of my shell, pushing him away further from me and imprisoning both me and my broken heart even more.

“Oh Danny, why didn’t you tell me?”

Why does he _care?_

I looked away, wanting complete solitude in the hatred of my own soul. Another spike hit my heart, the first thread ripped. He shook his head. “No, don’t. Cut it out!”

I’d shake my head at his ignorance but I was stuck in my spot. Another spike raised itself to try and strike my heart again but he jumped in front of it and took the hit. What was he doing? It was foolish to try and stand in between my heart and my self-hatred. “Don’t you dare hurt yourself.”

The spikes didn’t show mercy on him, they kept trying to get to my heart, scratching every piece of exposed skin. My thorns wouldn’t let him come closer. They wouldn’t let him save me from the world. He bit back on the pain, whispering through gritted teeth: “My poor, poor Danny.”

Like my name would cure my sickness within. My name wasn’t worth a damn. I wasn’t worth… a damn.

“Please, Danny, don’t give up. Hold on. I know life sucks but I promise you we’ll make this hell bearable”, he begged. He was on his knees, weakened by the spikes. No, I don’t wanna hurt him. Don’t hurt him. Let my spikes keep away everyone but him.

The barbed wire around the spikes dissolved into nothingness. I widened my eyes, staring at him on the floor. He smiled at me through the pained grimaces. It was so warm and sweet I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I promise this hell is not that bad. I’ll guide you through. Just follow me”, he whispered through the pain. My spikes retracted and my shackles unlocked, falling to the floor with a clang. I could walk. I could move. I made my way over to him on the floor. He had his body wrapped around my broken heart, trying to protect it from the attacks. _My_ attacks.

I’d been the only one lashing out at my heart. I’d been my worst enemy for so long.

Not the world.

Not mankind.

Me.

And he knew that. As realization hit me, he deemed me worthy of owning my heart again. He picked it up carefully. It wasn’t broken, it wasn’t ripped. It only had some faint scarring on it but it was intact. “I know you can do this, Danny. I wanna help you but you gotta let me help, alright? I trust you’ll take good care of our heart now.”

I sighed and took it.

I’d try my best to take good care of our heart but it wouldn’t be easy. I could be very overwhelming, I knew that.

“Thank you, Danny”, I muttered and he smiled at me once again. He’d always be our optimism and I’d always be our depression living inside the head of this human being. This useless piece of shit human.

“Danny’s a beautiful human being. Don’t treat him any less”, he pleaded and I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. It’s in my nature to attack him… us...”

 

***

 

“Are you alright?” Johnny asked, a worried frown wrinkling his forehead as he looked at Danny. The singer offered him a weak smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just an… inner conflict going on.”

“Gotta stop fighting yourself, dude. You’re a great guy”, the blue masked rapper shook his head. He sat down next to the singer and put an arm around his shoulder. “Without you, we’d be miserable dogs at each other’s throat. We need you.”

“It’s true”, Charlie grinned, phone in hand.

Dylan next to him, looked up when his phone buzzed and rolled his eyes. “I’m next to you and no, I won’t fetch you a beer. I’m your fucking boyfriend, not your slave.”

“At least he’s not fucking your boyfriend, right?” Jay commented, earning confused stares but he waved it off. “Sorry, not punny, I know. But we do need you, Danny so quit giving yourself shit.”

“Danny’s like the second most important guy next to Charlie”, Dylan stated.

Johnny glared at him. “Whoa, thanks, Funny.”

“Sorry, dude. Fans don’t lie.”

“I thought I was?” Jay muttered. “I co-founded the band.”

“No, you’re the most neglected one”, Charlie pointed out and Danny laughed at their banter.

Maybe this basket of rotten apples has a few sweet ones after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel.
> 
> If you don't quite get it; the metaphorical scene is what's going on inside Danny's head with depression as the first person POV and his optimism protecting his heart from himself but taking the hits.  
> I would've done Johnny instead of Danny but my brain always goes "Pick Danny. Do it."


End file.
